Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Mmm...Bacon

K's favorite food is bacon. Without a doubt. Ever since it touched her lips the very first time, she was hooked. She's so hooked, it makes me wonder what's in the stuff.

I'm like a 1950's house wife, the amount of bacon I've cooked since she started eating it. If it was up to her, there would be bacon made available at every meal. But, I'm a good mom, so there's not. When I cook a pound of bacon, over the course of the week, K eats 2/3's of it. I'm concerned about my 3 year old's arteries and cholesterol level. I'm not concerned about mine or my husbands, but K's...a little bit.

This is when I feel it's necessary to talk about diet, before you get the wrong impression. Seriously. Hang up the phone. CPS is not needed yet. Other than the bacon, K's diet is very healthy. As a rule, she doesn't eat meat...bacon and shrimp are the exception. She eats a diet centered around fruits and vegetables. Now, she's a picky 3 year old, so the veggies must be raw and she prefers the fruit puréed in smoothie or popsicle form. She loves hard boiled eggs (whites only,) yogurt, and whole grain toast. Bacon is her weakness, her vice.

When we eat out, K assumes bacon is always on the menu. Always.

Chinese restaurant

Me: Do you want Chinese noodles?

K: No. Bacon.

Me: This restaurant doesn't sell bacon. Do you want the long noodles?

K: No. I said I want bacon.

Mexican restaurant

Me: Do you want chips and guacamole or salsa?

K: I want bacon.

Me: ...sigh

Pizza place

Me: Do you want cheese pizza?

K: NO! I don't want pizza. I don't like pizza!

Me: Do you want bacon on the pizza?

K: Yes, but I'm just eating the bacon.

Today, I cooked a pound of bacon. Sidetracked, I overcooked half of it. Who am I kidding? It was black. I burned it. 5 seconds after taking it out of the oven, the smoke detector went off. That's how badly I burned it. I served it to K with her lunch. She wasn't even phased. She loves bacon so much, she'll even eat it charred. She is dedicated to her love of bacon.

Friday, January 27, 2012

How to Get in Shape

It's no secret, I want to get in shape. I'm not concerned about the number on the scale. In fact, it's the same number today that it was before I had K, give or take a pound. But...things don't quite look the same. Some parts are a little, um, squishier than they used to be.

So I thought I'd share with you my personal, no fail, 23 point How to Not Get in Shape list.

1.   Stand naked in front of the mirror and assess damage.
2.   Decide with great gusto to finally get back in shape.
3.   Think about setting a start date.
4.   Notice a cool calorie counter app. Download.
5.   Track calories for 2 days. Get discouraged when app repeatedly asks you to input exercise.
6.   Uninstall calorie counter app.
7.   Locate exercise ball from the fourth circle of hell (aka the basement.)
8.   Start a nice and effective before bed exercise routine.
9.   Decide to reward yourself for your hard work with a night off.
10. Roll exercise ball out of the way. Pretend you don't see it anymore. Routine broken.
11. Let a month pass without making any progress on your original goal. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
12. Decide to finally use the Elliptical located in the fourth circle of hell.
13. Exercise for 3 days. Declare basement entirely too dark and depressing to produce a good workout.
14. Notice a Groupon for a month membership at a nearby athletic club.
15. Buy Groupon. Read it doesn't expire until July. Plan to procrastinate on redeeming Groupon.
16. Talk a good game about signing up for a 5k.
17.  Do no research and make no plans.
18. See a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in pantry. Intentionally eat the entire rest of the bag with the rationale that if they are gone from the pantry, you can't be tempted by them anymore.
19. Feel discouraged. Silently curse the person who bought said Doritos.
20. Find yourself awake at zero dark thirty. Decide it would be a great time to go for a run. Think hard about putting running shoes on. Wonder if they're in the closet or downstairs. Think about checking the weather on your phone. Check twitter instead.
21. Decide to start running another time.
22. Allow another month to pass.
23. Revisit steps 1 and 2.

I figure at this rate, I should have my pre-pregnancy body back in no time. I'm just sure of it.