Who the Eff is Boba Fett?

The time has come. I must come clean. I do not know the first thing about Star Wars. I have never seen a single movie in its entirety.

I will pause for the gasps of shock to subside.

Throughout my childhood, I do remember seeing bits and pieces, but I guess I was just too busy swimming in our pool or cutting the grass or plotting attempts to run away from home with my sister to watch one from start to finish.

Which brings me to now, 2012, where my 3 year old knows more about Star Wars than I do.

My daughter is a Star Wars...what's the word for those people who are die hard Star Wars fans, oh right...nerds. That's right, my 3 year old princess loving daughter is a Star Wars nerd. The Darth Vader action figure her aunt and uncle gave her in lieu of flowers at her first ballet recital is in her top three all time favorite toys. She walks around humming The Imperial March like it's the soundtrack for her life. No joke. It's actually a touch scary, like those kids who sleep with their eyes open. Thanks to the influences of her uncle, she already has her eyes set on Boba Fett for her birthday.

Ordinarily this would be no problem, except it's starting to be a problem.

I'm clueless when it comes to Star Wars. I didn't actually know who Boba Fett was until a few moments ago when I googled him. Apparently he's just as dark and villainous as Vader. We check out Star Wars books from the library and I'm expected to read them. Except they seem to be written in a language I'm not privy to. I butcher name after name and have to endure my dear husband shouting in corrections from the other room. When playing, K will tell me the rules of the game and I'm supposed to play Han Solo or Luke Skywalker, yet I have no idea who they are nor the difference between them.

So I'm faced with a dilemma, do I watch the movies in order to educate myself on my daughter's passion or pass the buck to her father and uncle and politely concede defeat?

My dear husband is in favor of me watching the movies but he has his own weird experimental agenda where that's concerned. He wants me to watch the movies in chronological order, not in order of release. I personally feel I've made it to 31 without watching them, why start now.

But then, there's K. Is it my job as her mother to know who old Ben Kenobi is?

For the record, K has never watched the movies. And from the violence in the clips we've watched on YouTube, she won't be watching them any time soon either.

The Hunger Games aka The Laundry, Dishes, and Dirt Piled Up

All I have read about on Twitter for weeks is The Hunger Games. Seriously. I had no clue what it even was. A book? A movie? A cult?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

On Monday evening, I decided I'd had enough. I had been out of the loop for far too long. To exist as an intelligent human being, a functioning member of society, I needed to know what this Hunger Games mess was all about.

Little did I know, from the moment I downloaded it to my iPad Monday evening until 1 o'clock today, I would cease to exist as a functioning member of society.

My plan backfired.

For 40 hours, I read whenever possible. I even dreamed about Katniss. We were BFFs.

I abandoned my position as mother and allowed Dora and the Neverland Pirates to take over. K ate breakfast watching tv while I sat by, with my coffee, reading. I allowed her to nap until 6:30 yesterday because I couldn't bring myself to stop reading. Naps past 5 o'clock are strictly forbidden when I'm on duty. Today, I put her lunch on the table and started reading, oblivious to whether or not she actually ate anything. I would have known if she had choked, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, the laundry piled up. So did the dishes. Apparently, if you don't keep up with that crap, you will run out of clean spoons and clean pajamas. Thankfully, dear husband went grocery shopping yesterday so we didn't starve during my "absence."

I'm sure the members of my house are glad I finished the book so quickly. Though, it turns out, I'm not finished. Evidently, this cult book is a trilogy.

Sigh

I am now faced with a dilemma, do I take a break and regroup or download the next book? Life is full of such tough decisions.

Awkward Moments

My 3 year old may just be in the running for the most peculiar one I know. Just putting that out there for you to ponder.

No surprise, K has a fondness for princesses. And since Disney is a mastermind at marketing, her preference is for the Disney Princesses. She likes them all, even Mulan and Pocahontas, the less popular princesses. We own and watch with regularity a handful of the Disney movies.

I have it down to a science, the scene in each movie where K will turn and spit, hit or kick at me or her father. Without fail. She's also been known to tell us to be quiet when we aren't even speaking. It's always the same.

The love scene.

The Little Mermaid...the scene with Eric and Ariel in the boat almost kissing.

Tangled...again, the boat scene with Flynn and Rapunzel kissing. As well as the end scene when Rapunzel holds dying Flynn in her arms.

Peter Pan...not a princess movie, but this one is full of awkward moments for K. The scene when the mermaids gush over Peter and various scenes of Tinker Bell expressing her jealous, animosity for Wendy.

Toy Story 3...the scene when Barbie and Ken are first introduced.

I don't have any idea what's going on in her ginormous brain, but watching the mushy, lovey-dovey scenes makes her feel awkward.

I know when the scenes are coming, I'm on heightened alert. I try to head off the mini tantrum before it even starts. I warn her of the impending romanticism.

"Just look away if it makes you feel funny."

I have no idea what this drama is about, but regardless, I'm scared...terrified even, for what's to come many years from now when boys enter the picture.

Temporary Husband Position

ISO Temporary Husband

******************

Start date - Immediate

Must be available for the duration of the NCAA basketball tournament, with an option for additional hours during the 2012-2013 NFL season.

Must posses husband skills, including but not limited to

• Grocery shopping
• Daily salad making
• General childcare
• Dinner prep
• Mixology
• Conversation contributor

Applicant with handy man qualifications preferred.

Sports enthusiasts need not apply.

If bracket, elite eight, seed, selection Sunday, or sweet sixteen are words in your standard March vocabulary, your application will not be considered.

Temporarily Mourning

Today's Fat Tuesday, which makes tomorrow Ash Wednesday.

I'm not über religious. I like to think of myself as spiritual, instead.

I've never observed Lent. It wasn't something that was a part of my childhood. My mother forced my sisters and me to attend church every Sunday. And never do I remember Lent even being discussed. Maybe because I was too busy reading Sweet Valley High. Regardless, we weren't expected to give anything up for Lent.

Enter my Catholic husband and his family. They observe Lent. So for years, I've listened to them give up red meat, coffee, sprite, and cursing.

This year, being the year of improvement and all, I decided I could benefit from giving up a vice for a few weeks. I narrowed it down to alcohol and television. Alcohol was my original choice but I opted out because I really like it. Giving it up would suck. I enjoy sitting on my back porch on the surprise pre-spring warm night with a skinny girl margarita and my iPad or a good beer with pizza and Old Bay wings or a nice glass of red wine at dinner when we visit my inlaws. Besides, I've done the no alcohol thing when I was pregnant.

That left me with tv. I don't watch a ton of tv. It's never just on as background noise. But I do watch more evening tv than I think I should. I've found myself watching Dance Moms and Pawn Stars purely because I didn't want to turn the tv off. I've actually learned character names in both shows. I have actual opinions about Abby Lee. I've been watching crap. So, I'm giving it up. For 40 days. Entire days. And here is what I'll miss, ranked in order of importance.

1. Young and the Restless...oh I'm so sad, already. I've watched the Newman's and Abbott's for as long as I can remember. I know I can skip a week and not be lost, but 6? I'll have to read weekly recaps. My luck someone will get pregnant, have the baby, send it to boarding school, and it'll be grown up before Easter.
   
2. New Girl...I love Zooey Deschanel.
   
3. NBC's Thursday night lineup; Office, Parks and Rec, Up All Night...you will all be sadly missed. I might just wear black this Thursday.
4. Survivor...this is the show my husband and I watch together. Always. We've done it for years. Now what will we do?
   
5. Cougar Town...maybe with all the extra free time, I'll become a penny can master.
6. Whitney
7. Modern Family
8. Netflix...I will no longer need to update the queue. I pass the torch to my husband. This is your opportunity to watch every movie you've ever said to me, "you never want to watch" about. Have fun.

It appears I like sitcoms.

The good news, I've given myself a few outs to make this successful and realistic.

1. Movies in a theater are okay. Anyone want to go to the movies with me? Apparently, I'll watch anything.
   
2. If a natural disaster occurs, I'm allowed to watch the news coverage. I'm not wishing or anything, just thinking ahead.
   
3. TV watching while sick is fair game. No one should have to suffer without mindless television.

Now we shall see what amazingness I can achieve with tv out of the way. I hope to tackle DIY projects, organize every nook and cranny, develop plans for our backyard, and rediscover my craftiness. Or spend my extra free time on Pinterest. It coud go either way.