You Look Like You Could Be Pregnant

Let me begin by saying, I'm not pregnant. Not even a little bit.

So you can imagine my surprise when a nurse, which I will refer to as Maleficent, said to my face, "Then you look like you could be pregnant."

Let me tell you the back story to really confuse you.

I was in the waiting room at the doctors office when Maleficent called me back. She took my height and weight. 113lbs. I don't think that number puts me in the "most likely pregnant" category.

Evil Maleficent asked me the standard questions. What brings you in? When was your last tetanus shot? And, when was the start date of your last menstrual period?

I imagine I am like most women, I have a general idea but not the exact date for this answer.

I tell her, "Um...about two week ago."

Not good enough, apparently. She wants me to give her a date.

"Well. I don't know exactly. What's today's date?"

"March 12th," Maleficent tells me.

"Well, then, maybe the 1st."

Her words, and I quote, "Well that's not a good date because, then you look like you could be pregnant."

Hmmm.

I'm not even sure what to say. Was it the information I provided her with or my physical appearance that caused Maleficent to accuse me of looking pregnant?

To shut her up quickly, I grabbed my phone, opened the app, and gave her the exact date. I was 3 days off.

"Well that's much better."

Apparently, 3 days is the exact difference in looking pregnant and not.

Bitch.